A Letter of Apology

Dear Take Out Restaurant Cashier:

I would like to apologize in advance for the misery I’m going to cause you.

It’s Friday night. The end of the work week and those of us at home are ready to relax with a few good eats and some lively spirits. My order was called in about 30 minutes ago and its for a group of five adults who are ravenous.

We know Fridays are busy for your restaurant, but it’s when we like to do take out; go figure.

Now, I don’t live a hop, skip and a jump away. I live in what is often referred to as B.F.E., the boonies, the country, the piney woods, the boondocks and a plethora of other names for my out-of-the-way location. So, when I order take out, it’s usually a 20 minute drive to the restaurant. Then a 20 minute drive home. A 40 minute drive round trip, you see. Not the most convenient, but one has to do, what one has to do, right?

When I first moved to my house, we’d do take out and get home to find that there was one meal missing. Living where I do, makes it most inconvenient to drive all the way back here to get that meal, so here’s what I’ve learned to do:

1. Come in and greet you with a smile and give you my name, phone number, order number or whatever I can to identify what was called in for you to make us for dinner.
2. Next, I pay you for that order. For five people, we often order sandwiches or platters, quarts or pints with all the sides and fixin’s to go with. This can add up to a substantial amount of cash or plastic, of which I am happy to give you, as your food will make my night extremely pleasant.
3. Finally, after years of screwed up orders, I am going to take each item out of the bag you carefully packed. Remember, I apologized up front for causing you misery. I know this is tremendously inconvenient with a line of others waiting to pay for and receive their sacks of take out goodies, but if I go home without the right stuff, you have no idea what wrath I’ll receive.

Thank you for your time and patience and I’ll be back soon!